Today has actually been really good but now that I've been home a while and it's gotten dark, I'm getting depressed again. I hate this up and down. Actually, things just felt weird today, not necessarily good. Painting was fun, though. I was able to get lost in it for almost 3 hours. I hope I can keep doing it. But other than that I have felt, well, I don't even know. I've felt needy, I do know that. I don't know why I get like that but I hate it. It's weird and I hate it. I also hate how I've tried to get a hold of several different people for different things and nobody has responded. THAT'S SO ANNOYING! And it's hard not to take that personally! Because it's more than one person doing it! Ugh. I'm tired of this... all of this "trying to figure it all out" shit. It's so annoying.
I wish I could go back in time. I would give anything to go back. I hate where I am right now. Things were so much better back then. Well, no they weren't. So why do I want to go back?? I don't get it. I'm so fucking crazy and stupid. I'm a fucking crazy, insane person. And fat. Gross.
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